Me, My Self and the Photographic Eye

Elements of 'Me-ness'

The question I needed to address next was ‘how much Me do I want to portray?’

Do I want to put myself on display with no holds barred? Or would it be better to offer a restricted view of Me, one which emphasised (for example) just the good bits?

I decided that an all-encompassing self portrait which showed many aspects of Me would be too daunting for the viewer and, to be honest, far too complex to do justice to. Far better, I thought, to pinpoint a few key aspects of Me and concentrate on those.

Some key elements of Me-ness:

My father was a photographer, as was my brother. My mother dabbled but my sister showed little interest. Cameras were always ‘there’. As a family we frequently had what were grandly called ‘portrait sessions’ during which my father and brother would turn the drawing room into a studio complete with lights, backdrops and suitable props. We all had to pose as per directions. I remember it all being rather fun, but my mother and sister showing more reluctance than enthusiasm for the whole procedure. Shortly after the session, snakes of film would appear in the bath, the chemicals gradually rinsing away in a gentle stream of cold water for what seemed like hours on end. The fruits of the evening’s labours would finally materialise after a mammoth darkroom session very soon afterwards; I have clear memories of being ensconced in the former walk-in larder (long-since turned into a darkroom – where did we put the potatoes?) not being allowed to leave until way after the boredom had set in. Then waiting outside until the red warning light above the door switched off and the alchemists emerged. I would be allowed back in to see the washing line of prints strung across the room to dry. Many of these formal photographs still exist – I am now the custodian - and they document a childhood very differently from the typical family album collection (although we had those as well).

'Boy' circa 1963. (c) H Wyn Williams

So… photography was ‘there’ as a child growing up – this surely is a key element of Me-ness: the Photographer’s Daughter.

I have been taking photographs myself ever since those early days. My first camera was a Brownie 127. (I bought one on eBay just recently, lest I forget.) Photography has always been part of my personal and professional life and I have vast hordes of images tucked away in boxes and albums but none, interestingly, in frames on the wall or sitting on the mantelshelf. In the five or six years I have been shooting digitally, I have amassed over ten thousand images which occupy the lion’s share of my computer’s hard drive. When I was teaching I used to photograph the displays in my classroom and the pupils’ Summer Art Exhibitions. My job interviews were always supported by elaborately constructed portfolios of work I had done with children (I must have had far too much spare time – teaching was a different ballgame in those days) but it occurs to me now that I never actually got pupils to take photographs. It would be very different now, with cheap and easy to use digital technology, I would have a field day.

'Me' circa 1963 (c) H Wyn Williams

So… there I have another key element of Me-ness: as a photographer in my own right.

Another – perhaps the most important – key element is my ‘life journey’ thus far. If I was an author, I might be tempted to write a mid-life autobiographical account; taking stock of the first half-century. As an adult I have been a teacher, an artist, an advisor and education inspector, a consultant and have run my own business. In the space of five years I experienced bereavement, redundancy, moving house, long-term illness, financial ruin and divorce – all the key stress factors in one roller coaster bundle. These things leave a mark. They change one. I went from a secure, reasonably well-off, middle class existence as a successful careerist to a completely incompetent, dysfunctional heap.

So… that must surely count as a key element of Me-ness.

Along the way I lost my artistic roots. I ceased to be a practising artist as professional and domestic demands took their toll on my creativity. Recently, advances in digital technology and an epiphany in national government have meant that creativity is back on the education agenda. Still photography and digital video have become ideal vehicles for fostering it.

So… that, without doubt, has become a significant element of Me-ness, because I have been able to rediscover where I came from and practice Art once more.